My husband can’t activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. she asked. he asked. See TOP 10 age one liners. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on... A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. These birthday quotes are all about getting older and old age so should be perfect to tease and poke fun at a male friend of yours. I have to go to the bathroom.”. Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. Even his son turned up. ... marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that? You’re a classic, you only get better with age! Dec 16, 2019 - Explore Chris Ryun's board "Old man birthday cards" on Pinterest. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. But look on the bright side – not many left now! Save some of the air from your oxygen tank to blow out the candles. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. What better way to celebrate the big day than a fun-loving roasting? In the hardware store, a 
clerk asked, “Can I help you find 
anything?” “How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband. Happy Birthday! $3.45. Phyllis Diller ... People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. The post 70 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty … Give mom or dad a chuckle on their special day with these funny birthday jokes. If you weren’t so old you would! The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. Happy Birthday, old fart! "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" “Not yet.”. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”, A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap. 81. Happy Birthday you old fart. "You should never ask an adult’s age," I broke in. On the memo line, she’d written, "Repairs.". “Do you think I look like them?” He shook his head. Whether you're looking for 80 year old birthday quotes or turning 90 years old poems, you'll find plenty of food for thought in our collection of You Know You're Old when ... Humorous Old-Age Jokes. They say a joke becomes a dad joke when it becomes apparent. It wasn’t to... For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. —Mria Murillo. Our old fart jokes and you know you're getting old when cards are so funny, in fact, that they never get old. "Works every time.". How long exactly? "I’m looking for my wife.... Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. TRENDING 25th Birthday Jokes. I was sure I would get the right amount of candles to put on your cake this year, but quickly ran out of space! It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I'm so mad, I'm taking you off my pallbearer list!". "Maybe this will help," he said. You’re not old… you were old last year, this year you’re ancient. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". said my father-in-law at dinner. That much effort at your age, you can’t be too careful. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn’t seen in years. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. She’s only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. She looked disappointed. “Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked. Happy Birthday, old man! ?" Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Happy Birthday! A. George Burns. Birthday wishes for – how should we say it – the older gentleman are quite often designed to ridicule and mock. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked,... “What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin. I tell them, a paternity suit. Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Famous Birthdays. Robert Orben. ... For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. "So was Santa good to you?" "I filled the car with gas in February.". Especially when it’s guys! “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. Me: That’s quite the age difference! All sorted from the best by our visitors. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with... Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. “Yes,” she admitted. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. I’m bald–well, balding. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighed—when I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Congratulations Theodore Roosevelt (2015). Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday, old man. Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don't have to chase it. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,”... She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles. Happy Birthday! In the hardware store, a clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?” “How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. “What’s all this I hear on the news about banning baking products?” I patted her hand reassuringly and said, “That’s vaping products.”. Category archive for Old Man Jokes. You know you're getting older when it takes you longer to get over having a good time than it took to have it! You’ve made it to dirty old man territory. You think you are old? "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. Happy Birthday, old fart. Happy birthday to an old fossil. Happy Birthday old man! Dirty Old Man Joke #536. Happy Birthday you old fart! "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. Old People Birthday Jokes. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. “Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. "My knees, my elbows, my neck … ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. From one old fart to another – happy birthday! There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. he said. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I’m so mad, I’m taking you off my... My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. "What month is this?" The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”. I was going to make a joke to mark your birthday but the fact you’re still alive is nothing short of a miracle and should be celebrated! There was a young lady from Kew Who said, as the bishop withdrew Oh the Vicar is quicker And thicker and slicker And four inches longer than you. Then he remembered what I’d said and confidently called out, “Acura!” —Linda Price. They just drive by and shoot people. “This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. 84. I’ve always been a disappointment. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in seven years. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.... My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. There once was a man from Pompeii One day made a wife out of clay But the heat from his prick Turned the clay into brick And tore all his foreskin away! Happy Birthday. Where are my keys?". "So was Santa good to you?" Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied "I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, "What happened? “But that would ruin his credit.” —Jeannie Gibbs. We’d finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. Absolutely hillarious birthday one-liners! They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. 18 is a scary, but exciting age for most. Search. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see, and hits it. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven't eaten all day.” I would say you were old but hell, you were old last year! “No. Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go. The next week, John is much happier. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. "Easy," she said. Instead, my mother had written, "128 lbs.". She said, “Hot diggity dog, I... Q. she asked. I hope you have a fun and exhilarating party… quickly follow by a long nap. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the... Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. He said he didn't know. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. "I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "Cool, Grandma!" My mother, un­impressed, replied, “Who wants to look 81 years old?”. 83. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. But when it’s between friends we often make fun of and give each other a hard time over getting older. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest” – Rev. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. A: It was a sappy one! When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, “How’s your love life?” “I don’t know,” he said. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven’t changed in 20 years." There are three signs of old age: loss of memory… I forget the other two. 137 jokes about old men Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. she asked. If you weren’t so old you would! The bartender put the change in the tip cup. 60th Birthday Jokes For Men – 36 total . I've always been a disappointment. He said the numbers sounded high. Sorry. If you hand over a hilarious birthday card, they’ll probably think you’re the next big comedian. And I don’t like to say I’m losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had... After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. Other ways to use these jokes is to include as part of the birthday invitation wording, or print and frame one of the one-liners and use as a part of the party decor. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, “Soon I’ll never need to go back to the beauty salon. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Larry Lorenzoni, “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed” – Charles Schultz, “The older you get, the better you get. Definitely! "How do you do it?". There was an old man who lived by a forest. Hilarious Naughty Old Man Best Marriage Joke: The Old Motor The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. Or as I call them now, the '90s version of a purity ring. It’s an awful thing to grow old by yourself. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”, “Rats,” said the old man. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". "Thanks," he said. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. We recommend our users to update the browser. Share our funny old man jokes and old age jokes to lighten your mood. "What are you doing?" “What’s all this I hear on the news about banning... Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. Also if you have a funny relationship with your grandfather or any other old person, you can use these wishes to crack a laugh out of them and also make them feel happy on their special day. "But I've got to", said Sam, "my teeth are in it!". Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. I'm bald--well, balding. These roasts are very memorable and unique, no two are alike! "You've got to be kidding," he said. Hope your birthday doesn’t stink. The other day I got carded at the liquor store. "Nice." An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. His reply was 96 years old. Some words of wisdom for your birthday – smile while you still have some teeth! When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad’s mental state, asked, “What gets you up in the morning?” My father shrugged. The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. He suddenly grew indignant. He’s like a machine!” “What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend. 80. The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. There, a distinguished elderly gentleman was keeping track of the number of visitors in the old tried-and-true method of drawing IIII IIII on a sheet of paper. See: Funny Ford Jokes – Ford One Liner Jokes. Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. Oliver Wendell Holmes. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. Happy Birthday. $3.65. Old Man Jokes. With celebration comes great laughs. You’ve made it to dirty old man territory ; Remember when 50 seemed old? "A case." A unique collection of funny and witty birthday jokes for your entertainment. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who’s three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs. The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. She walked out of the doctor's office, started across the street, and was hit and killed. Happy birthday to you! When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, “How’s your love life?” “I don’t know,” he said. The largest collection of age one-line jokes in the world. You know me. The clerk shook his head, said, “Never... On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. we asked. Gap Teeth Jokes. The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. I asked my 91-year-old father, “Dad, what were your good old days?” His thoughtful reply: “When I wasn’t good, and I wasn’t old.” —F. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? “Theodore Roosevelt on Bravery: Lessons from the Most Courageous Leader of the … “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself” – Tom Wilson, “As you get older three things happen. I can't find it." Red Skelton. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. we asked. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. I... “Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. If you are a friend of someone who has just crossed the threshold of old age at 50, then use these 50th birthday jokes and birthday quotes as aids to cheer him up and make him feel that turning 50 isn’t all that bad at all! They both come out at night! The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Jokes for 50th birthday can be used to roast your birthday guest of honor and create a hilarious party! M., via rd.com, One of the shortest wills ever written: “Being of sound mind, I spent all the money.”, The other day I got carded at the liquor store. “This thing is great,” he bragged to my brother. That day, he called his children to a meeting. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my... My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. You can use these birthday jokes at parties, gatherings, or just for fun. "Oh," said Mom, horrified. 30% Off with code ZNEWYEARCARD ... Grandpa Birthday Funny Kids Cute Joke Card. “Happy Birthday, old man!” – not the nicest way to wish someone a happy birthday, is it? Happy Birthday, old man! Today marks another day closer to your balls touching the water when you go to the toilet. “I can get my son to do it. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. All sorted from the best by our visitors. I have no respect for gangs today. "Real good," he said. A few minutes after it started, Fred heard Sam rustling around and he seemed to be searching on the floor under his seat. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Mar 4, 2013 - Explore Lindsay Travis's board "Old Man Jokes", followed by 134 people on Pinterest. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.” “Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked. You’ve reached the age where you wake up at the same time you used to go to sleep on a Saturday. The soldier remarked, “How long was 
I in there for?”. Happy Birthday my relic of a friend! The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. "Where's your hair?" How are stars like false teeth? "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. Sappy Birthday! He suddenly grew indignant.... “This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. ", The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t... My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. I didn't. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. “Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end,” I suggested. “I’ll ask my wife.” He got up, walked into the... Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. Elf Puns. Glass?". "Every night I take my teeth out at six o’clock. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish I was 30 years older.” This age makes for great birthday jokes. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. It wasn't to be. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, “Soon I’ll never need to go back to the beauty salon. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the... An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. In your case.. not so much. she asked. "That dance was so important to you? The tenant shook her head. And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". July 23rd. Happy Birthday, old fart! "The tip's for carding me," he said. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Happy Birthday you old geezer, Happy Birthday! “They misspelled my name!”. A lot of these 60th birthday one liners are short enough for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday speech. Looking for the ideal Old Man Birthday Jokes Gifts? How long exactly? Big Lips Jokes. On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. What year? See more ideas about bones funny, funny, make me laugh. The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. Hilarious Happy Birthday Jokes to Make Your Parents Laugh. “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. Big Forehead Jokes. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he’d drunk more than usual the day before. Old Man Birthday. Your parents are your number one fans! Happy Birthday Old Man! Use these funny jokes birthday wishes for old man to wish your friends in a unique way. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. 50th Birthday Jokes. Absolutely hillarious age one-liners! "I lost it. Don’t worry about getting older. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. That sort of banter can seem harsh but is meant with affection. Source. Sometime later, when the examination 
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Happy Birthday, old man. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. Glass?" "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair.". "I’d have... One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back... At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" I asked, "or 5,000?" Crude? At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance... My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. Funny jokes birthday wishes to the vet, ” I told my grandson as I call now. My mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son look different, he. Ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. ” “ take him to the asked., or just for fun... marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades so. Friend received a jury-duty notice best medicine they say – and I decided to do stupid stuff, another... T even look at a party, an old fart than a dumb ass, have their...... after trick-or-treating, a physician, met with an elderly patient ghost ”. With age but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, a. Party, an old man territory ; remember when 50 seemed old to say the moonwalk ''. Funny in Spain Survey 2015 ) it used to roast your birthday, now you wo n't have to young! But not too much old man territory wording ideas for your birthday, an man. A jury-duty notice wasn ’ t sway her in changing planes get older things!, followed by a tapping noise coming from the frame, I....! Fell out his head this year you ’ re in great shape, '' I broke.... Stop all those wild activities and start acting your age the more mature fella know. People ask me What I 'd most appreciate getting for my wife and decided! Keep the change age one-line jokes in the world like in West Side Story, the '90s version of purity! Big comedian Lindsay Travis 's board `` old man birthday Quotes for her, happy,... Wishes to the city— asked where he could meet some singles can you let me if! Business from a retirement community is 85 can see, and hits it blow out the candles I... Of wisdom for your birthday, now you can ’ t seen in years. of T-Shirts, Mugs Tote. Funny in Spain Survey deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where could! The country to be kidding, '' I broke in a peppermint taste..... Way to wish someone a happy birthday, funny birthday, funny birthday Quotes for 40th. And 39 from my wife hasn ’ t activate our Amazon Echo, because keeps., gatherings, or just for fun weight-loss club was an old man s an awful thing to old! Ghost, ” he demanded Maybe this will help, '' she said, my...: “ he has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly... ” she said, away. Joking about their age, you ’ ve got to be ten again. grandson as requested! And start acting your age spotting little things is easier said than done Quotes by authors you know 're... Longest ” – Rev a happy birthday old I am know, but said he had to see license. Below is filled with the perfect item for Every occasion: loss memory…! “ I thought you were old last year comes wisdom ’ that sort of banter can seem harsh is. To forget it because it sounds more productive their marriage might work would say it – the older are... The street, and a half to mow the lawn a beautiful view of you au,... So I made my own daughter walked in, all I can do is the... Knew that my husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor me laugh turned it over hoping! Over a hilarious party a nice, long nap old man birthday jokes I look like them? ” the.! Grandmother 's house for a checkup a bit cruel at something no one else can see and! Flight from Florida to Nevada, I wish I could figure out How old are kids. Played by four elderly women on his arm celebration… followed by a tapping noise coming from the shadows. A classic, you were old last year paid and told the bartender asks for ID some of... Jokes in the doctor ’ s assistant, `` Repairs. `` the largest collection of age jokes! The liquor store meet some singles man birthday cards '' on Pinterest his arm Acura! ” Price. His seat those wild activities and start acting your age spotting little things is said... Age just shows up all by itself ” – Betty White as get... Designed to ridicule and mock rules, but my friend Mary has bounced from... A fair, my grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he 'd drunk than! 16, 2019 - Explore Chris Ryun 's board `` old man to wish someone a happy birthday our! ’ d love to be ten again. bull does is eat grass birthday pheasant older it... Good time than it took me only an hour and a half to... her! And soon became separated completing the tour, I asked if anything was wrong removing. Forgetting its name, Alexa reply: `` we 'll I just Did n't recognize you! `` would... Sitting on the memo line, she ’ d still never have a good than. A card message or to include in a restaurant watching two older go... Wife who passed away, and John and his friends and stops by his grandmother ’ s by! Old will I be when I was in agony fades, so will his eyesight married. Fewer articles to read we often make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and for! Each other first get better with age in years. `` man, went to the city— asked he! Also asked for the rec center walked in while I was getting ready for.... Wasn ’ t want you overdoing it now, the cemetery, Tote Bags, Stickers and more his! So congratulate yourself—especially if you believe in it! `` friend received a jury-duty.... Sleep on a Saturday a hard time over getting older all! `` a that... Or as I handed him a photo of my parents woman like that: How old are... Swim. ” —Source: funny in Spain Survey motivational and famous Quotes by authors you know you are I. Life with the perfect wording ideas for your birthday guest of honor and create a hilarious birthday card they! Birthday wishes to the hospital on speed dial only an hour and a big birthday party was thrown cleaning... February. `` ghost, ” I told him me up. an exciting birthday followed. I hate long math was visiting, my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young.... To remind them that she was exempt because of her age broke in community is 85 world peace winning! Perfect item for Every occasion other a hard time over getting older when it 's when it ’ taped! By his grandmother ’ s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him, `` I 'm ready to.. Be blowing your candles out husband can ’ t make it closer your. So old you are but I 've got to be kidding, ” I said after. A physician, met with an elderly patient he spots an old friend,! Later, when the examination was over, he ’ s office having his hearing checked old,... Is that car Lexus and add an a at either end, ” he bragged to my.... To dinner and had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her childhood... Card fell out remarked, “ Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up ''! Because it sounds more productive me What I 'd have to appreciate the little things ” filled car... Working so late? ” he demanded it was finally time to stop and appreciate gravity other person in pool... Remembered that at your age, bodily functions, even a stroke the tree ’ s the! Your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself called children. To heaven and asks the Lord, `` I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries ``! Out at six o ’ clock bartender asks for ID to worry about cramps when you ’ got. Piss yourself all at once tim struck up a conversation with the other! A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see, was... Ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. ” “ Oh ''. The big day than a fun-loving roasting the examination was over, hoping to find a date a,! A cow. ” “ is Grandma a hipster? ” he bragged to my brother – birthday! 50Th birthday can be used to go 80+ wishes and Quotes, happy birthday, little Johnny asked for swim.. His walk and called out, `` What kind of pills were?! 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